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FOREWORD TO THE SECOND EDITION
PART I: THE MOMENTOUS WAGER
1: The Poet Is Introduced, and Differentiated from His Fellows
2: The Remarkable Manner in Which Ebenezer Was Educated, and the No Less Remarkable Results of That Education
3: Ebenezer Is Rescued, and Hears a Diverting Tale Involving Isaac Newton and Other Notables
4: Ebenezer's First Sojourn in London, and the Issue of It
5: Ebenezer Commences His Second Sojourn in London, and Fares Unspectacularly
6: The Momentous Wager Between Ebenezer and Ben Oliver, and Its Uncommon Result
7: The Conversation Between Ebenezer and the Whore Joan Toast, Including the Tale of the Great Tom Leech
8: A Colloquy Between Men of Principle, and What Came of It
9: Ebenezer's Audience With Lord Baltimore, and His Ingenious Proposal to That Gentleman
10: A Brief Relation of the Maryland Palatinate, Its Origins and Struggles for Survival, as Told to Ebenezer by His Host
11: Ebenezer Returns to His Companions, Finds Them Fewer by One, Leaves Them Fewer by Another, and Reflects a Reflection
PART II: GOING TO MALDEN
1: The Laureate Acquires a Notebook
2: The Laureate Departs from London
3: The Laureate Learns the True Identity of Colonel Peter Sayer
4: The Laureate Hears the Tale of Burlingame's Late Adventures
5: Burlingame's Tale Continued, Till Its Teller Falls Asleep
6: Burlingame's Tale Carried Yet Farther; the Laureate Reads from The Privie Journall of Sir Henry Burlingame and Discourses on the Nature of Innocence
7: Burlingame's Tale Concluded; the Travelers Arrive at Plymouth
8: The Laureate Indites a Quatrain and Fouls His Breeches
9: Further Sea-Poetry, Composed in the Stables of the King o' the Seas
10: The Laureate Suffers Literary Criticism and Boards the Poseidon
11: Departure from Albion: the Laureate at Sea
12: The Laureate Discourses on Games of Chance and Debates the Relative Gentility of Valets and Poets Laureate. Bertrand Sets Forth the Anatomy of Sophistication and Demonstrates His Thesis
13: The Laureate, Awash in a Sea of Difficulties, Resolves to Be Laureate, Not Before Inditing Final Sea-Couplets
14: The Laureate Is Exposed to Two Assassinations of Character, a Piracy, a Near-Deflowering, a Near-Mutiny, a Murder, and an Appalling Colloquy Between Captains of the Sea, All Within the Space of a Few Pages
15: The Rape of the Cyprian; Also, the Tale of Hicktopeake, King of Accomack, and the Greatest Peril the Laureate Has Fallen Into Thus Far
16: The Laureate and Bertrand, Left to Drown, Assume Their Niches in the Heavenly Pantheon
17: The Laureate Meets the Anacostin King and Learns the True Name of His Ocean Isle
18: The Laureate Pays His Fare to Cross a River
19: The Laureate Attends a Swine-Maiden's Tale
20: The Laureate Attends the Swine-Maiden Herself
21: The Laureate Yet Further Attends the Swine-Maiden
22: No Ground Is Gained Towards the Laureate's Ultimate Objective, but Neither Is Any Lost
23: In His Efforts to Get to the Bottom of Things the Laureate Comes Within Sight of Malden, but So Far from Arriving There, Nearly Falls Into the Stars
24: The Travelers Hear About the Singular Martyrdom of Father Joseph FitzMaurice, S.J.: a Tale Less Relevant in Appearance Than It Will Prove in Fact
25: Further Passages from Captain John Smith's Secret Historie of the Voiage Up the Bay of Chesapeake: Dorchester Discovered, and How the Captain First Set Foot Upon It
26: The Journey to Cambridge, and the Laureate's Conversation by the Way
27: The Laureate Asserts That Justice Is Blind, and Armed With This Principle, Settles a Litigation
28: If the Laureate Is Adam, Then Burlingame Is the Serpent
29: The Unhappy End of Mynheer Wilhelm Tick, As Related to the Laureate by Mary Mungummory, the Traveling Whore o' Dorset
30: Having Agreed That Naught Is in Men Save Perfidy, Though Not Necessarily That Jus est id quod cliens fecit, the Laureate at Last Lays Eyes on His Estate
31: The Laureate Attains Husbandhood at No Expense Whatever of His Innocence
32: A Marylandiad Is Brought to Birth, but Its Deliverer Fares as Badly as in Any Other Chapter
33: The Laureate Departs from His Estate
PART III: MALDEN EARNED
1: The Poet Encounters a Man With Naught to Lose, and Requires Rescuing
2: A Layman's Pandect of Geminology Compended by Henry Burlingame, Cosmophilist
3: A Colloquy Between Ex-Laureates of Maryland, Relating Duly the Trials of Miss Lucy Robotham and Concluding With an Assertion Not Lightly Matched for Its Implausibility
4: The Poet Crosses Chesapeake Bay, but Not to His Intended Port of Call
5: Confrontations and Absolutions in Limbo
6: His Future at Stake, the Poet Reflects on a Brace of Secular Mysteries
7: How the Ahatchwhoops Doe Choose a King Over Them
8: The Fate of Father Joseph FitzMaurice, S.J., Is Further Illuminated, and Itself Illumines Mysteries More Tenebrous and Pregnant
9: At Least One of the Pregnant Mysteries Is Brought to Bed, With Full Measure of Travail, but Not as Yet Delivered to the Light
10: The Englishing of Billy Rumbly Is Related, Purely from Hearsay, by the Traveling Whore o' Dorset
11: The Tale of Billy Rumbly Is Concluded by an Eye-Witness to His Englishing. Mary Mungummory Poses the Question, Does Essential Savagery Lurk Beneath the Skin of Civilization, or Does Essential Civilization Lurk Beneath the Skin of Savagery? — but Does Not Answer It
12: The Travelers Having Proceeded Northward to Church Creek, McEvoy Out-Nobles a Nobleman, and the Poet Finds Himself Knighted Willy-Nilly
13: His Majesty's Provincial Wind- and Water-Mill Commissioners, With Separate Ends in View, Have Recourse on Separate Occasions to Allegory
14: Oblivion Is Attained Twice by the Miller's Wife, Once by the Miller Himself, and Not at All by the Poet, Who Likens Life to a Shameless Playwright
15: In Pursuit of His Manifold Objectives the Poet Meets an Unsavaged Savage Husband and an Unenglished English Wife
16: A Sweeping Generalization Is Proposed Regarding the Conservation of Cultural Energy, and Demonstrated With the Aid of Rhetoric and Inadvertence
17: Having Discovered One Unexpected Relative Already, the Poet Hears the Tale of the Invulnerable Castle and Acquires Another
18: The Poet Wonders Whether the Course of Human History Is a Progress, a Drama, a Retrogression, a Cycle, an Undulation, a Vortex, a Right- or Left-Handed Spiral, a Mere Continuum, or What Have You. Certain Evidence Is Brought Forward, but of an Ambiguous and Inconclusive Nature
19: The Poet Awakens from His Dream of Hell to Be Judged in Life by Rhadamanthus
20: The Poet Commences His Day in Court
21: The Poet Earns His Estate
PART IV: THE AUTHOR APOLOGIZES TO HIS READERS; THE LAUREATE COMPOSES HIS EPITAPH
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
SCAN NOTES
