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Preface

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Welcome to South Florida

Carl Hiaasen's South Florida stress test
Now you can figure your stress quotient
October 29, 1985

Etiquette at a crime scene: What to wear, how to act
June 20, 1986

The mysterious death of Claude, the sheep dog
February 6, 1987

Pistol-packing guards shoot up sense of security
February 11, 1987

Horse race would have sloppy track
March 21, 1988

Just when you thought it was safe to go to the beach … 
April 6, 1988

Let's crow for Hialeah cockfighting
April 17, 1989

Land snakes! Pythons seem to like it here
October 11, 1989

Send in clowns—and book them, of course
January 9, 1991

No peace for movie ushers who want quiet
June 26, 1991

Miami politics a sticking point for voodooers
February 20, 1992

Modern world puts evolution into reverse
July 6, 1995

Give macho dogflghters real taste of action
January 18, 1996

Dead shark nothing but a sound bite
January 9, 1997

Corruption: Our growth industry
May 3, 1998

Indicted? Act indignant
August 23, 1998

Murder and Mayhem

Can gun laws solve Dade's murder wave?
July 31, 1985

On the beach, reality doesn't take a vacation
August 9, 1985

Appalling gore fails to daunt film audiences
October 16, 1985

Crowd gripped by "real" crime drama
April 12, 1986

Gunman, shot 12 times, wouldn't quit
August 6, 1986

Machine-gun shortage rattles NRA
September 7, 1986

Miami, a city beset by gun problems? Read on!
March 7, 1988

Legislators, we're dying for gun law
April 29, 1988

New NRA ad misses the mark
May 23, 1988

Shop closing may trigger gun panic
March 1, 1989

Sad reality: Armed society means cops die
April 30, 1990

In tourist haven, mayor sticks to guns
June 27, 1990

Live or rerun, murder is now mainstream TV
January 31, 1993

Great gift ideas for very young snipers-to-be
December 19, 1993

Take pride in hometown arms maker
March 26, 1995

TV newscasts no more violent than real life
May 8, 1997

A war looms on gun sales
June 18, 1998

See It like a Native

700 more cops will not solve crime problem
September 20, 1985

Dilapidated county clinic medical shame
April 30, 1986

Despair, rage fester in housing projects
July 27, 1987

For poorest, life only gets worse
January 18, 1989

HRS research project is a study in folly
January 29, 1990

Prostitutes talk of risk—and addiction
May 14, 1990

Con artists hit the road to prey on old
May 23, 1990

Without changes, nursing home neglect will occur
December 3, 1992

English-only repeal won't impose Spanish
May 16, 1993

Safe parks act worthy of a vote
October 27, 1996

Rules Are Different Here

Stowaways ran in pursuit of their destiny
December 4, 1985

Mass murders haunt Mayan asking refuge
June 27, 1986

You've got to have a racket to get asylum
January 8, 1988

Immigration's double standard is an outrage
July 15, 1991

Racism adds to the pain of repatriations
February 2, 1992

Keep goodwill afloat at sea: Sink INS piracy
October 24, 1993

Alpha 66 threats: New theatrics by inept militants
February 27, 1994

The other rafters suffer with silence
August 21, 1994

Protests create anger, gridlock—not friends
May 11, 1995

Flotilla really empty vessel of exile protest
August 31, 1995

Immigration priorities are warped
January 8, 1998

The War on Drugs

Justice deposes the ruling king of cocaine wars
June 4, 1985

Dade's latest drug fight all wet—pass it around
November 5, 1985

'Cocaine' tea has bitter taste of controversy
January 13, 1986

TV drug raids rated a 'G'—for goofy
December 5, 1986

From Michigan, direct to you: drug-free urine
March 27, 1987

Yacht-pot policy makes zero sense
May 11,1988

Drug czar would scare any pusher
June 24, 1988

Mason jars won't make roads safer
February 17, 1989

Cops making crack makes little sense
April 26, 1989

U.S. murder of drug lords invites chaos
June 12, 1989

Bush fails to pay price of drug war
September 5, 1989

BSO strikes again in battle of the bulge
December 17, 1990

Tourist Season

Only a fool fails to follow these rules
September 19, 1986

Auto trunks are no place to park bodies
January 21, 1987

Local leaders need to foster pride, not panic
July 20, 1987

Newsweek story glitz-wraps same old city
January 20, 1988

Super Bowl boosters in taxi tizzy
November 21, 1988

Sometimes, dolphins get wrong idea
February 9, 1990

Will we end up swallowing this new tax?
April 2, 1990

Santeria ritual not quite to tourists' tastes
April 5, 1991

Tourists: Be alert for crime Miami-style
August 19, 1991

Tourist crime not too bad—(just ignore facts)
February 28, 1993

Fish tales fly in face of logic, but pass 'em on
July 22, 1993

Crime coverage based on how far tourist traveled
January 16, 1994

Blacking out Channel 7 unplugs the local color
June 5, 1994

Perfectly seasoned? Half-baked
August 20, 1995

Forget tourists, residents need crime warning
March 20, 1997

At Disney, it's a wild, wild world
April 23, 1998

A State of Chaos

Why not study the brains of top Florida officials?
October 9, 1985

Beer and pizza for everyone, Mr. Governor
June 5, 1987

Foul odors get worse in legislature
December 12, 1990

Junkets show politics isn't a thankless job
May 1,1991

Senate remap effort on road to disaster
April 2, 1992

State lobbyists may be pulled out of shadows
February 18, 1993

Pass your law? First, pass me the stone crabs
March 21, 1996

Dave who? Please say it isn't so
April 16, 1998

Cops, Courts, and Lawyers

Latest arrests close out bad year for police
January I, 1986

River cops tell unique tales of acquiring cash
January 12, 1987

Here's a quiz for potential federal jurors
January 23, 1987

Mob desire backfires on longtime cop
August 30, 1989

Spotlight on Nick Navarro becoming hot
July 1, 1991

Personal-injury lawyers back in chase—by mail
May 12, 1994

Judicial race is an exercise in extortion
February 28, 1990

Judges think fast to explain needles, money
June 17, 1991

Court Broom menu includes well-fed judge
February 16, 1992

Borrowing lines from Brando won't help judge
February 4, 1993

Court Broom's final score warrants Lysol
April 29, 1993

A floating jail: Flotsam of the Schreiber mind
December 10, 1986

Mathematician needed to sort prison guidelines
January 23, 1994

Miami: No. I destination for crooks
September I, 1994

Death penalty should be fair, certain, swift
March 27, 1997

Dade attorney batting zero against graft
October 23, 1997

State haggles over the cost of stolen days
April 26, 1998

Candidates with Convictions

Forget diplomacy, try Joaquin Andujar for mayor
November 1, 1985

Local campaigns masquerade as serious politics
November 2, 1987

A motto for Metro:The check's in the mail
September 2, 1988

Our own Joe shines again in Miami race
October 2, 1989

Candidates can't hide true colors
November 13, 1989

Gersten vote to test savvy of metro voters
March 11, 1993

Ferre also owes voters an explanation
April II, 1993

Campaigns for mayoral race, so far, so bad
August 22, 1993

Wacko factor gives city voters a tough choice
October 30, 1993

Hialeah's new convict-mayor government
November 11, 1993

Hialeah vote 2: This time hide the cheating
November 10, 1994

Older, yet not wiser, Miami deserves Carollo as mayor
July 28, 1996

It won't be hard to fill Miami's 'Crooked' seat
July 31, 1997

Dead men voting couldn't do any worse
November 30, 1997

Miami Voters' create new kind of open election
December 14, 1997

Strike a blow for democracy: Sell your vote
January 15, 1998

A patriotic soul won't let death cost him a vote
February 8, 1998

Clean election? This is a job for Jimmy Carter
March 5, 1998

Ex-Mayor lives in own x world
March 26, 1998

Our Leaders on Parade

County meets for a theater of the absurd
February 3, 1988

OB should fence off VIP seating
August 10, 1988

Lobbyists could try semaphore
May 15, 1989

To Dawkins, black isn't always black
March 16, 1990

This junket stinks to high heaven
April 4, 1990

The dock, Mayor Daoud and CenTrust
April 13, 1990

Wanted: Real job for Metro commissioner
July 18, 1990

From pathetic to revolting, our leaders run gamut
May 29, 1994

Homestead's sneaky deal raises hackles
December 5, 1995

Greenpalm: A true-life tale of bugs and rats
September 22, 1996

Take over city; commissioners won't notice
December I, 1996

Miami's fiscal crisis: Look at the bright side
December 5, 1996

Suarez's act won't play on Wall Street
December 4, 1997

Breakthrough at City Hall
August 16, 1998

Stormy Weather

Tis the season some builders get generous
December 16, 1987

Shhhhhh! Let the inspector get his sleep
June 4, 1990

Now, perhaps, we'll develop with more care
August 27, 1992

Blustery talk about Andrew is all hot air
October 18, 1992

Happy ending slow to come at country walk
May 6, 1993

Slow to act? No, state was setting trap for builders
July 29, 1993

Government can't be trusted to enforce codes
December 30, 1993

How soon we forget what these storms do
June 9, 1994

Just the fittest will survive next hurricane
August 25, 1994

When homes collapse, best course is court
April 16, 1995

Novel approach: We build it, we approve it
May 11, 1997

Cyberfraud simplifies corruption
August 9, 1997

Storms ahead if construction bill is passed
April 27, 1997

Tax Dollars at Work

Dade taking furniture flap sitting down
January 27, 1986

Metromover's new legs would be very shaky
July 2, 1986

Paint Rosario nattily naive, fiscally fickle
February 2, 1987

For city execs, all work, no play pays off
April 10, 1987

City flushes $101,000 right down the John
January 19, 1992

Metrorail: The bigger it grows, the more it loses
May 26, 1994

Falling down just part of the job in Miami
December 19, 1996

Officer Romeo makes out big in sex scandal
May 9, 1996

Bullet train would shoot state budget
January 12, 1997

Miami port's generosity runs too deep
May 22, 1997

Odio's exit a bargain for taxpayers
June 5, 1997

Ralph Sanchez and Other Subsidized Sports

City gave away park to get rid of problem
February 21, 1986

The Indy races to put Metro in debit dust
July 18, 1986

Track developer now charity case for Homestead
August 1, 1993

Let Lipton thrive or fail on its own
July 25, 1990

Parks shouldn't be used to fill private coffers
April 19, 1992

If Lipton should fall, let Avino's crew shovel it
May 10, 1992

Metro tumbled into sand trap with golf club
June 26, 1994

Wayne skating on thin ice of fan loyalty
July 23, 1995

Let Broward have its arena—and the debt
February 1, 1996

Team rebates send tax money down the drain
March 16, 1997

Speedway lessees race to the bank
April 13, 1997

Choked on Growth

If three's a crowd, what is 5 million?
September 13, 1985

Highway opens one of last frontiers to overgrowth
July 16, 1986

Buying a piece of Florida? See it like a native
February 16, 1987

Maybe first Thanksgiving soured early
November 24, 1989

Retail flops fail to stop mall frenzy
February 8, 1989

A message to outsiders: Florida's full
January 5, 1990

Gas-tax veto wisely brakes development
May 9, 1990

Finally, a leader admits growth is choking state
September 4, 1991

Guns-for-all law one way to end congestion
May 20, 1993

Overcrowding solution: Pay folks to leave
September 5, 1994

More crime, traffic jams? Bring'em on!
February 4, 1996

Court's message to home buyers: Trust no one
April 18, 1996

A gift for dad who has it all in his backyard
December 5, 1996

Our dream, our nightmare
September 13, 1998

Vanishing Florida

The bombs of progress blast crater in nature
August 6, 1985

Pristine oasis may go to waste in trash crisis
November 8, 1985

Sewage charges latest outrage at ocean reef
December 16, 1985

Margaritaville marshlands: Wasting away?
October 27, 1986

Feds must save wetlands from development
November 19, 1986

Ill-conceived landfill plan begets smoke
April 6, 1990

Key plan shows just how low developers go
February 13, 1991

Pipeline crisis could turn Bay into cesspool
June 13, 1993

'Revitalization' a threat to Virginia Key
April 3, 1997

Explanation for road widening quite a stretch
June 15, 1997

The Everglades and Big Sugar

Tainted bass a warning for all of us
March 10, 1989

News isn't so sweet for Big Sugar
March 5, 1990

New wetlands plan rooted in bad policy
May 20, 1991

Glades need a hero before options dry up
January 12, 1992

Big Sugar's sly cleanup plan is dirty pool
April 12, 1992

Future of keys rests in the fate of Florida Bay
February 21, 1993

Douglas would trade medal for preserved Glades
December 2, 1993

Sugar bosses fight to keep real sweet deal
April 30, 1995

Sugar barons' campaign: Not sweet but low
November 10, 1996

Everglades National Park 50th Anniversary Homage to a magical place
October 19, 1997

Lawmakers sell Glades down river
May 7, 1998

Masterpiece foretold a legacy
May 17, 1998

Wild Kingdom

Dateline: Big Pine Key
Deer poachers' tactics show true cowardice
August 20, 1985

Manatees still hapless victims of area boaters
January 8, 1986

A loud cry for the state's wild panther
Septembers, 1988

Watering down of rules throws sharks to wolves
December 24, 1992

A regular at saloon, popularity killed her
April 6, 1995

Wildlife losing their homes as we build ours
December 12, 1996

'97 is already a mean season for wildlife
May 25, 1997

Turtle's slaying shows we need more Cousteaus
June 29, 1997

Same old song: Greed drowns another species
December 28, 1997

Small Victories

City gives kids a great reason to give thanks
November 26, 1986

Politicians waking up to the green vote
November 5, 1990

At last, Florida has a program worth keeping
November 10, 1991

Proposal gives green power to the people
March 14, 1993

If Tallahassee won't do it, voters will
December 11, 1994

Preserving bay today is good for the future
May 12, 1996

One company had courage, fought graft
October 10, 1996

Golden arches not welcomed in Islamorada
December 9, 1997

Feds are right in grounding jetport project
January 4, 1998

Bush listens to smart talk on environment
February 5, 1998

Judge humbles Humberto
August 30, 1998

Glades buyout has to happen
November 15, 1998

That's why there's a law
December 13, 1998

Bush on track with 'bullet'
January 14, 1999