You Could Probably Be Happily Married to a Hundred and Fifty Million Different Women
I Like It
When You’re Married, Your Wife Sees Your Penis
You Will Never Screw a Woman Who Looks Like That
Sometimes You Have to Be Hurled off a Diving Board Against Your Will
Could You Please Hand Me that Bottle of Peppermint Schnapps?
You Are Good at Sit Down
A Man Takes His Shots and Then He Scrubs the Shit out of Some Dishes
Give the Rabbit Its Pain Medication
I’d Rather Not See You Sitting Next to Me on a Friday Night
Don’t Make Me Take Up Residence in Your Fantasy Land
Do You Know What Makes a Shitty Scientist?
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Praise for Sh*t My Dad Says
Also by Justin Halpern
Copyright